I need you to know...

There's not ONE member of my family that's not vague or stoic with most of the things/happenings in our lives...  I can't tell you how frustrating this is, but I also can't say I'm not the same way...must be genetic.  So this is a hard post for me to just lay out there...
We're moving soon.  Far, far AWAY.  While I'm excited at the adventure before us and the people we'll be getting to see more of, I'm so so saddened to be leaving the family and friends we have here.  I have a sister and a brother & his family in this HUGE state of Alaska that I won't get to see NEARLY as often, certainly not as often as I'd like (cuz that'd be every day), we have a church family that we grow closer to all the time & now that relationship is coming to a halt.
I wish, dear family and friends, that we could all just BE in the same place...SEE each other every day. I want you to know that I'm not this selfish little girl who's too busy to spend time with any of you - NAY - I long for more time with you all!  It's a poor excuse to say "I just got too busy" but you wake up and life happens, and then before you know it, the kids are asleep and all you have energy for is to brush your fuzzy teeth and climb the stairs to bed...
PLEASE KNOW that you all mean the world to me, and if I could tell you to your face without crying or feeling like the socially inept person that I am I'd do it!
Jeff & Tricia & Adam & Ash & Brad & Josh: I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!  I'm going to miss seeing you all!  I get so excited every time we get to drive your way and I can barely contain myself in the seat!
Lisa: I don't know what we're going to do when I just want to drive up the road and hang.  You make me laugh so much and you ALWAYS make me feel special...  And every time a car drives by our house and Michael says "it's TT!" I just don't know how I'm going to be able to tell him it's not so...
I'm not trying to make any of you feel bad - just know that we love you so much and miss you already! Just in case I'm too vague or stoic (or inept) to tell you - I love you!

This week...

Ben's been rolling over more & more & even sat up for a few seconds by himself...  :)  Also, at dinner one night (brekkie for dinner) we had little toothpick forks in the banana slices & Michael took 3 of them out & stuck 'em between his fingers like Wolverine...  Lovin' these boys!

Benjamin Daniel

Stealing a few quiet moments at the end of a busy day, I'd like to introduce you to our newest addition, Ben.  He joined us here on December 27th (a whopping 3 months ago) and has been keeping us smiling, crying, laughing...on our toes for sure!  I'd always wondered how mommas did it with more than one, since Michael took ALL my attention.  I'm loving figuring it out!  I obviously haven't had time for blogging, or I'd have posted some sweet pics sooner.  ;)
Here's our little man, over the last 3 months (sadly, nothing sooner than 6 weeks - we lost all photos of Ben prior to that point)...

Little man in his outfit from Auntie Colleen

I'm thinkin'...I'm thinkin'...

Obsession...

...with...

...feet...

Sportin' his sweet hand-me-down LOTR onesie

Mama, gimme some space - my friends are lookin'

So sweet...brings my heart joy

I promised with the last blog entry that I would write about what I had learned at the Women's retreat I attended last fall...then life happened...literally.  :)  We moved out of our home that we weren't sure was going to go through with the sale, so we hadn't packed yet (just in case), we welcomed our second son into the world (we love you Ben and are so glad you're here!!!), we all got really, really sick (flu, pneumonia, RSV for Ben, sinus infection, colds), BUT here we are - alive and kicking and grateful to be getting over the latest cold!
Anyway, excuses aside, I've finally found some time to blog.  Guess where my notebook is with all my notes from retreat?  Upstairs in the same room as my toddler who's avoiding sleeping - so I'm not going to go in there and give him ANY more excuses to get outta bed...  ;P  And there's another excuse...
It's all good - I can wing it:
At retreat, I learned that I need to ask for help.  I learned that I need to immerse myself in Christ.  I need to feed myself, daily...or I will starve.  I learned that I teach by how I live.  How am I living?  I learned that you can't "self-help" your walk, you need others.  I learned that I NEED TO BE TRANSPARENT!  That's my biggie.  Stop pretending every thing's perfect and just be me with the people in my life.  There's no need to be "an Eeyore" about things, but I need to be transparent, and know that the people that love me will love me anyway.  

Retreat!

This past weekend, I attended a retreat for the women of several congregations around the state of Alaska.  I was blessed with a scholarship, so it wasn't a financial burden at all and was told repeatedly by my husband that I needed to go so that someone else would be blessed by having given such a generous gift.  My apprehension was not that I secretly dreaded the small talk that would ensue (because I'm awful at that), or the possibility of becoming more transparent in front of my Christian sisters.  My apprehension was buried in the fact that I'd never left Michael before, not overnight anyway.  I was dreading this excursion, solely because I knew I'd be away from my son for roughly 3 days.  That's a long time for a well-seasoned mama, much less a new mama.  (Okay, okay, he's 2, but it's still new compared to a lot of other mamas out there...)  Anyway, I heeded my husband's gentle prodding and conceded to attend the women's retreat.  It was hilariously fun!  I missed my son more than words can say (and I cheated on the second day when I asked Sean to bring me something I'd forgotten at home and got to see both of them for a few minutes), but I learned sososo much about how to live simply for the Lord.  Over the next few posts I'll write more about what I learned and how this time benefitted my walk with the Lord, and my ability to serve Him by serving others.  Much love...

Love your pet...

The conversation I had the other day with a young fella, as he and his mom were beating their dog in the back of their car:

Me:  Hey!  C'mon man!  That's enough!

Him:  Dog chewed up all my stuff!

Me:  Yeah, that happens.  I have 2 dogs that've done that.  Take it easy on her!

Him:  Maybe you should train your dogs!  (What - no self-revelation???)

Me:  Umm... Maybe you should train YOURS.

Him:  Shut up!  (gets in car and speeds away)

Needless to say, this was not the most grown-up conversation I've ever had with anyone, but I feel like God put animals under our care, and we're supposed to do just that - CARE for them.  

Dog gets bored in car, dog chews on pack leader's items...

And so, little "man" and his mom:  I hope you think about how you treat your animals, whether people can see you or not.  And I hope you realize what an amazing friend you have in this beautiful creature that trusts you with their life, whether or not they chew on a few of your things...  

For a season...

I find so often, when I get home at the end of a workday, that the last little smidgeon of energy I have left goes into Michael.  And poor Sean; by the time he gets out of bed to start his work day, I've none left.
I keep telling myself that it's only for a season.  Someday we're not going to have opposite schedules and we'll get to spend some real time together.  Someday I'll get to stay home with Michael and care for him and Sean and our home the way I want to...  :)  And I look forward to that day with an eagerness that cannot be described.  But it makes my heart soar.  :)
But for now, for a season, for the time being (the same time that seems to fly so fast right past me) I attempt every morning to be a grace, a blessing to the people I encounter on a daily basis.  The kids I see.  The parents I talk to.  Every day my heart breaks for the people I work with.  Every day my heart breaks for my family.  And every day, my heart thanks the Lord that we're eating and staying dry and warm.
So right now, as the time flies, I make every attempt to make every moment with Sean and Michael be beautiful.
And that's why I've been so neglecting of this blog...
For a season...