Heartbroken…

I let someone else's words to me affect how I treated my children today. And in that moment, that failure, what that person said came true...I am a not-so-great mama.

First World Problems...

This morning I woke up (I'm alive...and in a warm bed) with my face *still* hurting.  This is THE worst sinus infection I've ever had.  I'm on day 5 of antibiotics (I have medicine) and I'm still super sick (with something that WILL go away).
I helped get the kids downstairs and got their brekkie ready then got in the shower.  I dispensed too much Breathe oil in the tub and then dropped something several times [(oh, the humanity!)while in my nice, hot shower], and thought "oh it's gonna be THAT kind of day"...
I came downstairs (on my own two feet) to find a cup of coffee waiting in the kitchen for me.  My gracious husband had the NERVE to put sugar in the cup when he KNOWS (or *should* know) that the coffee cream is plenty sweet (seriously, Jessica???).  So I HAD to make another cup, because you just CAN'T undo too much sweet & I freaked out because I didn't want to waste anything.  Sean offered to drink the too-sweet coffee.  The NERVE.  (Again...seriously, Jessica???)
I took my round of meds to help me get well (again - I HAVE meds to take), and cursed the fact that I've been walking around with a hot water bottle on my face for the last week (we have a hot water bottle.  Wait - we have hot water!)...
As I stood there adding some sweet cream to my new cup of coffee, it hit me like a BRICK - I have such a BAD ATTITUDE!  Instantly regretful, I was also filled with thanks that I have a bed, a warm home, a shower AND hot water at our dispense, clothes, a functional body, warm drinks and more food than we really need, a caring husband and two wonderful children, two dogs that love me - no questions asked, and a whole host of other things that I'm too blind to see.  I mixed the two cups of coffee back and forth so that neither one of us would be overwhelmed by sweet, and thanked the good Lord above that I live in such a place that I can care for myself and my family.  Maybe not always the way I want to, but we're provided for.

²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the dayis its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25-34

"Ga Cacka"

Benny's new word is graham cracker!  He's currently (right now, actually) enjoying ripping off his clothes (taking cue from his big brother, who is also currently de-robing) and really likes chewing on his socks...  O.o  His favorite song is a song about dump trucks, and he can get his groove on like none other.

Michael's school is getting geared up for a Christmas program, sort of an impromptu one, so he's been learning some new songs at school - his favorite is the Little Drummer Boy, but he also really likes to sing "We Will Rock You" and has been quoting He-Man's power speech all week.

My folks were here a few days ago and they helped the boys decorate our Christmas tree - our first one in several years and the boys' first Christmas tree ever.

 Benny's first time hanging an ornament!

Checkin' out his work...

(Bampa's right there to catch this brave little boy)

The All Finished Congratulatory Head Rub

All done!

Bath time beckons...mostly because I have 2 naked little boys running around and I might as well take advantage of the opportunity!
Thanks Marmie for taking pics of the occasion!

You're gonna miss this...

It taking FOREVER to get the boys to go to sleep sometimes, 

changing diapers,

snuggle time, 

when the "crabcake" days are easy to fix,

Michael saying "much (he has much boots, etc)" when he means a lot, 

and the way he says "hoptopterrrr," 

one or both of the boys ALWAYS moving at the precise moment the shutter closes on my camera!!!

Ben wanting MORE food when he's already eaten everything on his tray and I haven't eaten yet at all,

story time, 

                    bath time, 

playing outside - even when it's ridiculously cold out and our noses are frozen, 

Michael getting excited at the prospect of a cup of hot cocoa or pumpkin egg nog like it's the biggest treat in the world, 

Ben laughing at EVERYTHING his big brother does, 

toys E.VER.Y.WHERE,

witnessing the look on their faces 

when they see or 

discover something for 

the very first time,

 them believing with their whole beings that they have super powers,

SO much more that I can't even think of right now...

...

The lyrics to the song "You're Gonna Miss This" really hit home, and my heart just aches knowing that someday is coming: someday when the boys will want their own space, when they're running around doing their own thing for school or whatever, when they've gone off to wherever life takes them, and it just makes me tear up - because I'm truly gonna miss this...all the hustle and bustle of keeping up with these two little firecrackers. So I'm trying really hard to enjoy EVERY moment I have with these beautiful boys, because someday is coming...and I'll never be ready, BUT I can love them and enjoy them with all that I have, right now.

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this

... 

This week...

Benny is saying "hi", "apple"("ap, ap"), "no" (VERRRRY funny...), and has started singing! He likes Old McDonald and sings "E Igleegolo".
He also discovered he can climb the stairs.  o.O

Michael's currently obsessed with pancakes, "po'kin milk" (pumpkin egg nog), whether or not it's dark outside, and he loves it when we're driving on the bridge.

They're both really enjoying being outside and when it snows they like playing in it.  Well, Michael gets excited, Ben's still trying to figure it out.

 Michael's ready to go with his shield!

You can't see it falling, but it's snowing out here...

36...

Since I turned 36 today, I thought I'd write 36 things that not many people, if any, know about me.

...

1. I do *NOT* like being tickled.
2. The love of my life has absolutely NO idea just how much I love him...
3. I like beer.
4. I am an empath.
5. I'm terrified of failure.
6. I'm even more terrified of success.
7. I REALLY want to learn an instrument, especially the cello or violin, the guitar and the piano.
8. I love getting real letters in the mail.
9. I love baking.
10. I love eating what I bake.
11. I am SUPER jealous of pastry chefs.  (That kinda know-how is dangerous!)
12. I can eat an entire Stouffer's lasagna by myself.  Not the individual size.
13. I love to write creatively, but am a bit of a McFly...
14. I've always wanted to be a missionary.  
15. I *lovelovelove* being a mom.
16. I really enjoy taking photos.
17. Fall is my favorite season.
18. I really dig cooking and baking things from scratch, absolute scratch.  It makes me feel better.
19. I hate my own voice but would love to learn to use it.  That can mean so many things...
20. I can take it but I can't dish it out.
21. I adore reading to my kids...if they'll sit still long enough.
22. I enjoy holding conversations made up entirely of movie quotes.
23. I want to open my own therapeutic riding center.
24. I don't have a favorite number.
25. I am a morning person - I enjoy how quiet and calm mornings are...
26. I am actually an introvert.  I pull off looking like an extrovert when I need to. 
27. Of all the X-Men, I'd like to be Jean Grey.  I don't know if it's her cool powers or that Famke Janssen is just so beautiful.  However...
28. ...If I had a super power, I'd most enjoy the ability to teleport. 
29. I absorb people's mannerisms when I'm around them.  For that reason...
30. ...If I were an X-Men, I'd probably be Rogue.
31. The smell of unheated leftover food makes me queasy.
32. I question my faith all the time.
33. I'll do almost anything a friend asks of me, including waiting for them for hours when they're running late or forget and don't call.
34. In my brain I'm the best ice skater in the world.
35. I have no idea who I really am...
36. I'm still keeping secrets.

...

Picture Day...so SOON?!?

I never would have thought that the preschool I work at would have a picture day, but they do!
Here are my two little guys on their first picture day ever...

Ben took his seat like a seasoned pro.  Michael, on the other hand, (who usually hams it up pretty good for the camera at home) would NOT let this lady take his photo.  So we played tackle and tickle and every time he'd stand up to "get Mommy", the photographer would take his photo.  Not her first rodeo.  

Needless to say, I think I have two of the cutest boys in history...darn it, they're good lookin!  Here's hoping we raise them up to be as sweet and respectful.